June 20
We began this morning much like our previous mornings with a great breakfast and then packing our lunches to take to the DTC. Today would be the last day we were scheduled to work at the DTC so we knew we had to make it count. We had to stop at Ochoas to pick up some materials and then would be on our way. As the team explored the store, Stefanie and I remained in the back of the truck to catch a little sun. I also needed this time to worship. I couldn’t really put my finger on it, but it seemed like the team was drifting apart. The unity we had experienced prior to our arriving seemed to be dissipating and I was extremely unsettled. I began to pray for our unity as well as the upcoming day’s work. I immersed myself in some worship songs, trying to bring my heart and mind into captivity focusing on Christ. I also had a knot in my stomach, feeling God was going to require more of me than I was used to giving, and tragically I had no idea what He was requesting. “God, please let me glorify Your name. You know my fears and insecurities yet I know I can do all things through You who strengthen me. Thank you for wanting to use me, and please don’t let me disappoint You. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
The team got the needed materials and piled in the back of the truck. Nathan really wanted to sing songs and worship. However, we couldn’t find a song we all agreed on, so Amy began to lead the pack. She began to teach us songs and hand movements. It was a lot of fun, plus it was a valiant effort in keeping my mind off of the distractions that had been plaguing me. Amy would have us sing and she would pretend to “sign” the songs. Her interpretations of the songs were hysterical and had us rolling. Even as all this was going on, my heart kept coming back to what I knew God was asking me. It’s a little strange how you can be doing activities and wearing a smile on your face, while the inside of you is extremely unsettled.
We arrived at the DTC and dispersed into groups. Some of the team would be working outside, while the rest of us would be in the warehouse painting the rafters. I know this may seem silly to some people, but I have a complete terror of climbing ladders and heights. I don’t know where it stemmed from or even why I have it. I think it has increased the older I get, probably due to fact that I understand more clearly the consequences that can occur if you fall from them. Whatever the reason, I was not looking forward to today. I was spending a lot of time in prayer and asking God to give me strength.
The team brought up the ladders, paint brushes, paint and other supplies. I grabbed the ladder I would be using (of course I picked the most sturdy, stable looking one!) and took a deep breath. “God, help me,” I silently prayed. I stepped on the ladder and an overwhelming peace took over. Now don’t get me wrong, I definitely was not experiencing joy while I was up there, but I certainly couldn’t deny God’s presence was with me. Every time I would have to climb down and then back up, I believe my knees were buckling and my fists were clenched white, but I knew I was not doing this for me. This warehouse needed painted and this was an assignment from the throneroom. I had to fulfill it.
There was a slight issue with me painting the rafters however. Even though I was on a ladder, I am a little short in stature, so there were places I was not able to reach. “How am I going to paint those areas? What am I going to do?” Well, God already anticipated my need and had already sent someone to help me. I turned around and Daniel was already painting the areas I was not able to reach. “God, THANK YOU!” I really can’t convey how thankful I was for Daniel. Actually, I think I was so overwhelmed that I never thanked him. I do remember praying for him though, that God would bless him abundantly for his servant’s heart.
Before lunch, we went to a Coconette. This is a place in the DR that makes coconut bread. We would be going to see how it was made and purchase some to take for our lunch. The drive there was beautiful, much like all the scenery in the DR. It seemed like we were driving up a mountain and the different elevations were a spectacular sight to see. I am not quite sure what I was expecting, but when we arrived it was not like what I had imagined. I guess I had pictured a store or building where they manufacture the coconut bread- maybe hair nets would be required. This image was the farthest from the truth! We arrived and surprisingly I was taken aback by an overwhelming stench. I have never smelled anything like this and to top it off there were bees and flies swarming the area. “Did we take a wrong turn? Are we in the right place?” were thoughts that crossed my mind. Daniel hopped out of the truck confirming that we were indeed in the correct place. I shrugged and climbed out of the truck as well. I was here, might as well enjoy it. We took a little “tour”, but the workers were on lunch, so there were only a couple of people there.
One thing that really jumped out to me was the children I saw working there. These children were probably about 8-9 years of age and they were carrying these huge trays of bread that had just been taken out of a fire. Honestly, my heart was grieved for the scene I saw. Like I have previously mentioned, I have a tremendous heart for children and to see them working harder than most Americans had a lasting impact on my heart. This was all the children knew and I began to feel guilty for all the luxuries I take advantage of. I believe every Christian should take a mission trip to another country, even if the only thing they get out of it is to see how truly blessed we are. It really puts a perspective in your heart that you will never be released from.
Back to the coconut bread! We walked around the area to a place that had all the used and discarded coconuts. It was on a huge hill and if you looked down it all you could see were old coconut shells. It went down for miles and miles. I have never seen so many coconuts in all my life. Then we followed a path that leads to where they create the mixture for the bread. I will not lie to you. It looked disgusting! There were so many flies landing on and swarming the huge mixing bowls. There was an awful stench as well. I am not sure what the smell was, nor do I care to know. In this case, ignorance is truly bliss.
I followed Daniel to another area where they were pulling out the freshly baked bread. They were cutting it, separating, it and bagging it. One of the men there asked if I wanted a piece of bread. Not really sure if it was okay, I asked Daniel before I accepted this man’s generosity. There were flies all over the bread, but I didn’t want to offend anyone by not accepting the hospitality I was shown. I took a piece of bread and sampled a bite. Actually, it tasted really good. It had a mild sweetness and a flavor that reminded me of zucchini bread. I couldn’t believe that I was eating and enjoying this bread since it was covered in flies and I saw how it was made. I will try to include pictures of what we experienced.
After the Coconette, we headed back to the DTC for lunch. Most of the team had sampled the coconut bread prior to lunch, so our appetites were pretty satiated. I have never heard the team so silent! In fact, after everyone was done eating, they all began to sprawl out on the concrete foundation and began to nap! I was too busy taking everything in and spending time in quiet prayer. I looked at everyone taking their cat naps and a scripture came into my mind. “A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands and poverty will come upon you…” I couldn’t help it, but this proverb was alive in my heart and I wanted to get back to work. I left the sleeping team and walked back to the warehouse to pick up where I left off.
Rachel soon followed me agreeing there was too much work to be done. The two of us began to hum worship songs as we painted the rafters. We were joined by the rest of the team shortly after and we poured all our effort into completing this warehouse. We finished a little later than we would have liked, but it was a job well done. It was time to head back to the house and get ready for our jazz night that was planned.
There was not much time to get ready for jazz night. We all had to get quick showers, dressed, and be ready for dinner in about fifteen minutes. Now remember, there are 6 women on this team and to be able to accomplish this task is pretty ambitious or nearly impossible. If you remember, tensions already seemed a little high and to have the expectation put on us added even more stress to an already crumbling team. Sadly, we took longer than anticipated and some of us were late to dinner. Fortunately, the team waited on us for dinner.
We went around the table discussing our highs and lows for the day. I already knew what mine would be. It was my turn so I shared that my low for the day was climbing the ladder to paint because I hate ladders. I also shared that my high was climbing the ladder to paint because it was no longer about me. I began to look down at my plate, a little embarrassed that I was getting choked up and didn’t want anyone to see the impact this had on me. I couldn’t even share that my other high was Daniel helping me with the areas I could not reach. I couldn’t get the words out. Teresa was gracious enough to affirm me and point out that this was a victory. She was right. God had given me a huge victory today.
We shoveled the food in our mouths and headed out the door. Adam drove the Jeep and Daniel drove the truck. I was in the Jeep along with some other team members. I could feel this ominous tension in the air and then Adam spoke. He sternly addressed the issue of some of us being late for dinner and the disrespect that was shown to his parents. I don’t do very well with confrontation and it takes a lot for me to open my mouth. However, I did open my mouth and tried to explain the frustration that several of us were feeling. That did not go over too well and an even harsher rebuke came from Adam. I don’t handle this type of confrontation well at all. I have a tendency to shut down when there is conflict especially when voices are raised. My heart was defeated and I remained silent.
We arrived and before we went into the building Adam gathered the group together for a time of prayer. (Please don’t judge me and realize that I am trying to be as transparent as possible.) The last thing I wanted to do was to pray. Anger filled my mind as we were praying. “How could you pray after you just scolded us like five year olds? You really expect me to go into this night and wear a smile? I don’t think so!” Pride had reared up in me, and I was like a horse kicking against the pulling of the bit. Maybe there was truth in what Adam had addressed, but why couldn’t he step back and see from my point of view?
I couldn’t get my mind off of this. The entire night I tried to fake a smile and desperately tried to enjoy the jazz music. No matter how hard I tried, the futility of the matter was at hand. There was no getting around this. I kept pondering this evening’s events in my heart and was praying to God to help me. Help me understand. Help me grow in this. Help me to see the truth and not what I am feeling. There was such heaviness in me that I honestly felt like I was suffocating. I wanted to flee from this scene, from this night, even from the Dominican. I told Adam I needed to get some air and went outside. I found a nice ledge that overlooked the city and began to talk to God.
It didn’t take long for God to get a hold of me. Regardless of my feelings, Adam was the team leader and I was supposed to submit to that authority. He was right when he addressed the disrespect that was shown to Jim and Teresa. I was out of line. I didn’t know how to fix this or even where to start. It is not easy when God reveals things in you that you never knew were there. Let alone, when He points the finger at you. God had just given me a massive dose of humble pie and I didn’t want to digest it.
Adam came outside to check on me and I couldn’t even look him in the eye. I was so ashamed of my actions. I was even more ashamed of dishonoring Jim and Teresa. I began to apologize and tears began to flow. Everything that had been building up was coming out. I addressed the division of the team with Adam. I told him how fearful I was of this division, especially since we were going to Haiti later in the week. He offered some words of encouragement, and I did feel like a huge weight had been lifted. It was a relief to discuss these concerns with him and to have them acknowledged.
Adam and I returned to the group and we were able to see the group chatting with some people that they had met. Christa was speaking with a woman that was extremely lost. She knew just enough about Jesus to claim she knew Him, but she believed so many lies. I really am not sure what she religion she professed, but to me it sounded like a mixture of several religions. It amazes me how so many people believe a distorted truth, or take pieces they want but leave out necessary elements of salvation. I was certainly proud of Christa though. She boldly told this woman the truth and that Jesus loves her. The compassion I saw in Christa’s eyes really convicted me. I am so thankful that she joined us on this trip. She led the example of what our Christian lives should resemble. It is our responsibility to tell these lost people the truth. Again, I felt shame for being so concerned with my emotional state instead of the people who really needed to know about Jesus. I purposed in my heart that tomorrow would be a different day and I was ready for what was in store for me.
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